A Short Post

I dreamt I got accepted at NTU Communication Studies. I’m almost done with my first year in NUS and yet I’m still harbouring hopes of doing Communications.

I will wait for the holidays to start writing again, then I can make another short film to prove that I don’t need a degree to tell stories. I need a degree to put food on the table. It really disheartens me when those who join Mass Comm are in it because it’s reputable yet they don’t know what they want in life.

Political Science for the win. Four more years, then we can start talking about Arts and Public Policy.

After Everything…

The past weekend was a blast. From the chaos of rigging the lights, focusing and programming what exactly we want to see on stage, blocking and rehearsing – I enjoyed every minute of it.

When Nessa first asked me to be her stage manager, I was clueless about my job scope. I am not the kind of person who would take up a responsibility for nothing. I do things with all my heart, even if it is unfamiliar terrain. I took the risk and told Nessa I would love to be part of her production. After all, the last time I was working with her was when we had a performance for the First Lady back at As-Salam.

I bid for a very expensive Theatre Studies module and went through four months of Peter Handke and The Zeitgeist, googled what a stage manager is and here I am – a first time stage manager who would not trade anything for the experience. I consider the role of the stage manager the same as a film producer. The schedules, rehearsals, making sure the cast is fed and everything else made my experience as a stage manager a fruitful one. I may perhaps consider doing this again, but films will always be my first love.

I am facing my post-production withdrawal symptoms, but only because the cast became a family.

Anyways, I shall share my favourite quote as promised.

“Do not grieve if you receive a fatal arrow from one of those who are closest to your heart, for you will find someone to pull out the arrow, treat the wound and bring back to you life and smile.”

I have posted this a few weeks ago but I think it’s worth sharing again. All I can say is that I have been there, done that. I never thought I’d be able to trust another, but I am letting my heart do it because I have a feeling that it is worth my life. Inshallah, things will go the way I want it to.

Exams in two weeks, so I shall be on hiatus!

Day 04 – My Favourite Book

I forgot to blog yesterday. Nonetheless, here I am sharing with you my favourite book of all times – Eat Pray Love by Elizabeth Gilbert.

I cannot thank Sary enough for introducing this book to me. It was the first book I enjoyed after mugging for A levels, and it was wonderful. Having gone through two years of turbulence in my life was not something I anticipated, and Elizabeth Gilbert got me on back on my feet.

So its three more days to production. I’m nervous and excited. My first stage production – bukan sembarang nye production tau – and I need to do the best as the stage manager. Apart from the fact that my mother is coming, I think there are other reasons I should excited about, aren’t there?

Ok go!

Of Legacies and Dreams

بيسم الله الرحمن الرحيم

Pardon my French. Or rather, Arabic.

Since the start of the new module at SPIB, we’ve been talking a lot on legacies and youth. Funny how the year I wanted to start on putting in more productive efforts in leaving a legacy, is coincidentally the year my madrasah friends and I are encouraged to do the same. Themes include challenges faced while pursuing our dreams and what obstacles the Prophet went through when preaching about Islam. Suddenly, I’m not alone in chasing pavements. I feel like we’re all in the same boat, aye?

2010, by far, has been a challenging year for me. Matters of the heart and soul, as well as issues that concern the future. Inshallah, I’ll go through the challenges He has put me peacefully. After all, if He brings you to it, He’ll bring you through it.

Some updates for you readers, since I have noticed a jump in the readership – university life has been draining my energy and I’m only into my second semester. I desperately need to pull up my grades, after the massive blow down of my first semester, so don’t judge me if I’m complaining too much about my desire to score REALLY well for my tests and assignments. I really do need to ace my modules. Theatre Experience has been fun, though I am not looking forward to watching To Kill a Mockingbird alone for a performance review. Islam in World History surprisingly complements my usual Saturday SPIB classes, despite the fact that I am being taught about Islam from a lecturer whose religion is questionable. I usually look forward to my Arabic classes, partly due to the module not being an examinable subject. I scored 90 percent on the first test, but I am pretty sure I could have gotten full marks, like two of my classmates. Syabas to them! Government and Politics of Singapore has been interesting, and I never fail to learn something new every week from the Prof – makes me question the leadership in Singapore. And Asia in the Modern World lectures are fun because Saf and I get to cuci mata (cleanse eyes) since the whole lot of exchange students usually sit in front of us.

Apart from studying, I am involved in my part-time CCA’s annual stage production, Pentas Budaya 2010. I’ve been tasked as the Stage Manager – a role that is both frightening and worthwhile. I do hope I don’t screw up the production, or Naf would probably kill me. Heh. Every Friday, I spend time with the cast and learn something about stage. Trust me – filmmaking and stage production are two ends of the world. Stage is a lot tougher and requires more energy, but hey, my first official script was a stageplay written for a performance for the First Lady in 2004. Umm, if you consider a 20 minute skit about dysfunctional families a stageplay, that is. Anyways, I cannot wait for the performance date, because the play is something all of us can relate to. More details up soon, ya?

I’m at my fifth practical session for my Class 2B license. It’s crazy because just yesterday, I had a pillion rider behind my back. Kalau aku jatoh mampos budak tu pon mati! (If I fell down, my pillion rider would be dead!) I’m not exactly that light, you know. OH and gym has been wonderful! Mission 2011, aye Izzati?

As for my volunteering activities, I have been abandoning it – I admit and I apologise. It’s difficult for me to convey the message of a tight schedule because they don’t know how tertiary education is, or how busy and draining it can be to your life. I simply cannot cope with an added responsibility on top of the chaos going around my life. I understand that by not fulfilling my volunteering responsibilities, I am running away from my obligations as a Muslim. But I choose to understand that there are many ways of fulfilling that obligation. Perhaps is the time I should truly take my leave…

On a side note, I dreamt of someone yesterday. And it was not a good dream. I’ve been fighting tears not to be bothered by the situation we are in. Everyone is worried for me, but I am confident I’ll pull through, Inshallah. There was once you had a place in my heart for 18 over years, but now you’re just someone I used to know. And I’m not looking forward to being legal next year (despite the fact that I so desperately want to vote in the next elections).

And all I need know is time, a good shoulder to cry on, and lots and lots of cupcakes.

My Face is Green

For the first time, I am blogging on my iPhone. Not because my Mac is down but because I wanted to shut it off for two days – the whole of tomorrow and Friday. Tomorrow because I have one full day to utilize before my evening paper and Friday because I want to enjoy my post exams with the girls – Naz and Izzati – at Sengkang swimming complex.

My first semester at NUS will be gone as of tomorrow night, and I am desperately wishing time would freeze for a moment or two. It’s going by way too fast and it seems like the End of Days might be coming after all. Yes I have some regrets over what I did and did not do during my first semester, but I am a firm believer of learning from my own mistakes. So next semester shall be a brand new day for all if us.

I have lots of things going on in December, and I’m already excited for it. January? Oh it’s even more exciting. In fact, 2010 is VERY exciting. Possibility of going official, possibility of getting a license, possibility of getting a make up certification – and the list goes on. I’m very excited to get my certification because I see that I can make some extra cash. But all these depends on time, and time is of the essence.

Anyways, having spent some time with Burger made me see the bigger picture. Her being so happy at work and being good at it makes me excitied to get that degree and start working. Of course there’s going to be challenges, but Burger told me to keep my eyes on the prize. The prize being my dream and aspiration.

I don’t know my niche. I may say I am good at writing but I’ve seen a lot better writers than myself. I love many things, some of which include fashion, food, films and my faith. But specializing in one of them might be difficult for me right now.

We’re almost saying goodbye to 2009 and hello to 2010. After more than half a decade somewhere, I want to move on and not be stuck in a time warp. Seeing a new generation of leaders who are more energetic than I am, I think it’s time I let go and move onto bigger things. And as for me, I have a lot of ideas under my sleeve I want to realize.

And I just realized I blog best when my face is green and while waiting for the mask to dry. Oh and when nothing about MS1102E gets into my head.

WordPress for iPhone – yay or nay?

The First Day of School

On Monday, after the big National Day hoo haa, I woke up at 6.30am. I was planning to reset my body alarm clock. I woke up, showered, got dressed and eventually had breakfast with the brother who seemed very excited for me to start school.

As usual, I opened Macy and checked my mail. Then I thought, “Hey, let’s find out tomorrow’s timetable!”

I went to the IVLE portal, then to the timetable builder, and checked my schedule. Lo and behold!

I had no lectures save for the 2 hour History lecture I wanted to crash.

Yeaps, I had to crash the History lecture because the bid got too high and I ended up bidding for another module, which is of course a History module as well. I think I’ll do great with two History modules this semester – Film and History, and Pre-Modern Japan: History and Culture. I still wish I could have gotten the introductory module on Asia and the Modern World.

So nothing much happened on the first day of school, except that I got lost around the Central Library but totally acted cool about it.

School again tomorrow. For now, I’ll be bunking in.

Aku Minah – Minah Dakwah

Before I start, let me clarify myself: I am not copying Minahspeak’s content. I am merely spreading the usage of Mat/Minah language. I love the way Eli writes and I will not attempt at all in copying her writing. But I need to stand up for my group of Minahs too – Minah Dakwah.

Since relief teaching at my alma mater, I have been speaking Malay a lot. Afterall, I am a temporary cikgu. And I happen to teach a Normal Tech class. I’m not being ‘atas’ just but the reality is that the NT classes have a lot of mats and minahs. Their grasp of the English and Malay languages may be poor, but don’t you dare challenge them to a Mat/Minah language competition.

I am guilty of not teaching my students the proper Malay language. Yes I took Malay at A Levels and aced it, but everyone knows the only time I can speak in perfect Malay (aka Bahasa Baku) is when I sit for my oral examinations. Even during the two past interviews with Suria, I spoke in conversational Malay. So one day, I heard one of my students (this time a Sec 3 student) asking his friend if he would ‘turun padang’ that afternoon.

I interrupted their conversation because they weren’t supposed to talk in the first place. So I kepo-kepo ask him,”Ader meeting ke main bola petang nanti?” (Are you having a meeting or are you playing soccer this afternoon?)

They both looked at me, horrified. They smiled and then went back completing their assigned work, though I heard them whispering to each other, “Eh rabak ahh.. Cikgu faham ahh..” (Shit ahh.. She understands…)

I smiled to myself and continued the marking I was doing. In my head, I was saying “Excuse me laa eh? I’m a 100% pure minah according to Facebook.”

I cannot deny not being a Minah, though once upon a time I did persistently deny my affliation to the M word. I wondered where the Minah genes came about. I didn’t speak much Malay back in JC but I did start off my secondary school life being a pro-Malay student. And I could not possibly speak Minah language to my mum or brother. Then it hit me – it must have been the tarian (Malay dance) and being best buddies with the President of the Malay Cultural Society of a mat/minah infested JC.

SO what is my point in telling you the history of my Minah language?

Here’s the thing: a lot of my friends know I make a lot of friends during social gatherings and meets but especially online gatherings. Like what Eli calls a Myopic Meetup, I don’t like to meet my virtual friends. In fact, I don’t meet them at all unless they happen to be active at some other mosque youth wing.

There’s one guy, though, who has been insisting on meeting me despite me ignoring his messages, MSN chats and AnakMelayu chats (I don’t go there anymore. I swear). Last week, I was too bored I actually replied his usually smiley face on MSN. We talked and talked and then he started talking about something I am certainly very uncomfortable about.

Him: Jom romen?

Me: Romen? Romance, you mean? Sorry I don’t do romance.

Him: Asal? Takot?

Me: I tak takot ngan you. I takot ngan Allah.

He took a while to reply that my reaction, and his reply was in a fashionably mat manner:

Him: Wah.. ini cara jawab macam paham jer.. Sape namer?

So my friends, today’s phrase of the day – Saper namer?

And how do you use it? When someone quotes something deep or bombastic for his/her own good, you say ‘saper namer’ because your friend does not have the right to say things like that. Why? Because your friend does not have enough knowledge to say deep things like that.

Okay so you see how bad I am at trying to teach you how to use this new term I learnt? That’s why this is not the essence of my entry.

My point is, people don’t take me seriously even when I wear my hijab/tudong/headscarf. I may be a tad too loud, crazy and at times don’t appear to be the perfect Muslimah but I am only human. My mindset may be equivelent to that of Westerners but I would not bring myself so low to forbidden things that has been stated clearly for us to understand.

Girl + Boy (not mahram) + Shaytan = ???????

You complete the equation yourself.

I have seen girls in the scarf holding hands and kissing boys in public, but I will not judge them. If they look matured, I will convince myself they are married. Now if you are 13, trying to look 17 with piles of make up on your face, holding hands with your boyfriend and kissing him in public, I will tegur you. My mum has done it and I will not be afraid to do it as well. Afterall, if I don’t tegur you, I may be questionable in Akhirat for witnessing your actions and not doing anything.

Oh and FYI, Minah Ferring is NOT equals to Minah Tudong. And Minah Ferring is NOT equals to Minah Dakwah. There’s a hierachy to follow, aye sister? This is shall be a topic to discuss some other time. Till then, this minah dakwah needs to sleep because work starts early tomorrow.

Wassalam.

Things to do Before Leaving Meridian Junior College

1.    Bring your guitar to school everyday and initiate mass sing-a-long sessions in the canteen. (make sure the songs are not played by MATS or BENGS underneath the void decks)

2.    If you hate you GP tutor, choose one of the following options to avoid listening to her monotonous droning voice:

a.    The Sarah
i.    Raise your hand to be excused to the toilet
ii.    Enter toilet cubicle and lock the door
iii.    Put down the seat cover
iv.    Proceed to take your daily afternoon NAP
v.    Return to class 5 minutes before the end of GP lesson looking revitalized and sparkling

b.    The Charlotte
i.    Keep a VERY VERY VERY long fringe
ii.    Let you fringe down during GP (or other lessons you hate)
iii.    Use as a protective coverage to avoid detection from your tutor that you are actually asleep

c.    The Joseph
i.    Find a strategic seat at the back of the class
ii.    Listen to your tutor for a nice lullaby
iii.    Lean your head backwards, open your mouth
iv.    SLEEP

d.    The Sham (recommended for uncreative people who cannot be bothered with TRYING to look awake)
i.    Put head on table
ii.    Sprawl arms on table
iii.    Continue to remain in comatose state until lesson is over

e.    The Rox and Grace
i.    Proceed to have a party in the Sick Bay

f.    The Zahrah
i.    “Where is Zahrah?” GP tutor asked?
ii.    Class goes silent

3.    When in doubt of where omnipresent weird humming noise is coming from, get Miss Sarina to say to Joseph “Eh Joseph, shut up!” Noise ceases.

4.    On BE YOURSELF DAY, dress up as Siamese (conjoined) twins wearing Batman costumes and walk around the whole day with great difficulty, banging into things and people.

5.    In Maths lessons, think of flying unicorns and rainbows. Then realize in JC2 that you didn’t know the existence of 100000000 topics went through last year.

6. When asked to take on the role of a nationalist during History lesson, create a country called Magicarp where people are divided not into races but their favourite ice-cream flavour.

7. When in doubt, even if you are a teacher, ask the class genius, also known as Ezra Ho for further clarification.

8. Use a big pencil case for everyday use – not just as a public stationery shop, but also to hide food items to sneak into the library.

9. When confronted by the evil librarian about the packets of food next to your jacket on the table, deny all allegations and insist those do not belong to you.

10. After the graduation party your school hosted, steal the entire tumbler full of drink and bring it up to your class while being chased by the crew of school councillors.